Women's Tips

9 ways to answer tactless questions


“Well, when will he lead you down the aisle?”, “Will you soon plan to have a baby?”, “And do you still get meager wages?” Examples of tactless questions that a person can hear during his life can be listed endlessly. Such questions affecting the intimate aspects of life, out of balance, make embarrassing and angry.

Experienced psychologists have identified several effective strategies that will help to get out of an awkward situation with dignity, correctly respond to boorish comments and put in place an arrogant person.

How to answer uncomfortable questions?

Who asks uncomfortable questions most often?

It is believed that most often with such questions "climb into the soul," people who crave self-assertion due to the weakness, inferiority and problems of others. They themselves do not feel like full-fledged personalities. And not because they are flawed or put their lives in insurmountable situations, but because of low self-esteem and initially low moral values.

There are also people who simply lack natural tact, delicacy and intelligence to understand how inappropriate their remarks and observations are. That is, such a person does not pursue any goal, asking "uncomfortable" questions - he just does not know how to communicate normally.

There is a third category. Envy, curiosity, or personal vengeance makes them ask offhand questions. Yes, unfortunately, some in this way revenge, satisfy curiosity and show envy.

You should not be offended at the individuals described above, you should not even take their words seriously. However, some of them behave so brazenly that it is simply necessary to give them a fitting rebuff!

How can you not answer uncomfortable questions?

First you need to remember 3 tactics of behavior that are unacceptable to apply if you were asked an "inconvenient" question. One important point makes them all related - you show your emotions and appear in a bad light.


Do not go away from the person who behaved tactlessly towards you. Do not look away from his eyes, do not hang his head down. It looks pathetic. From the side it may seem that you are ashamed of your own position. Look the interlocutor directly in the eyes, keep your head up. Even if your dignity was seriously hurt by a question, you should not leave, for example, run out of the room.


It is not necessary to show that you are irritated due to the question asked. Try to hold back emotions. And even more so, one should not show aggression. The interlocutor on your background will look like "holy." He can pretend to be a “simpleton”, saying: “I haven’t done anything like that, but simply asked what was wrong?” As a result, you will be blamed for ignorance and disrespect, not for your offender.


You should not show your embarrassment in front of the interlocutor. If he sees him, he will understand that he “hit the mark” and decides that it is possible to dismiss rumors about the information received.

Answering uncomfortable questions

There are 3 of the most successful strategies for answering tactless questions that will give a decent answer, putting a curious person at a dead end and discouraging any desire to ask.

Return the question to whoever asked it.

After the receipt of an “inconvenient” question, try to “mirror” it, that is, send it to the one who asked it. For example, you can say: “Well, why discuss only my candidacy, let's talk about you!” Or another example of how you can answer so that the interlocutor starts to be embarrassed: he asks the question: “When will you have a child?”, The answer : “So you are interested in children? Surely you yourself are dreaming of a child, aren't you? ”And it doesn’t matter that the person is lonely, let him explain his position regarding the continuation of the race.

There are more variants of “mirroring” answers: “Why do you need it?”, “Why what?”, “What is the purpose of it that interests you?”. Such answers in the form of questions should be pronounced with innocent intonation. Then you will achieve the desired reaction of the person interested.

Joke hidden in response

This is a very successful method to get away from the "uncomfortable" question. The presence of humor will defuse the situation, relieve tension and be able to put the person asking the question in an uncomfortable position. The sharper your answer, the better. Example. You went shopping and met a curious neighbor on the way home who asked, “Oh, what did you buy there?”

In response, you round your eyes and say: “I don’t want to involve you in it, if you find out, you may have problems, you may become an accomplice. But the product is good, brought straight from Colombia. ” After such a response, the neighbor is unlikely to continue questioning, although she understands that you are joking, she does not want to look silly (especially if there are other people nearby).

Hidden in the answer injection

This method is suitable for those cases where your dignity is heavily touched by a tactless question. The main thing is to maintain a balance of politeness and anger veiled in response. With a smile on your lips, you will let the interlocutor understand that such jokes do not pass with you. Example: “Are you planning to get married for the third time?” Answer: “Well, what can I do, there is no end of the gentlemen and everyone is calling for marriage. Some cannot get married once, but I have the opposite! ”

Tactless questions can be divided into groups:

  • about personal life: When is she finally married? Why still one?
  • about kids: When will you get the baby? And when give birth to the second?
  • about money and work: How much money do you make? So what do you pay money for? When will you find a normal job?
  • about appearance: Why aren't you painting? Why do you dress like that? When do you make a normal haircut? Are you on a diet again?
  • on private topics: How old are you? And why came to the doctor?

Familiar? It seems that to fight with such curiosity is impossible. To enter into confrontation and not to: it is better to act thinner - to catch the interlocutor by surprise, to puzzle him.

Let's see what happens when they ask you a tactless question. Your companion acts on the principle of an energetic vampire: by asking something too personal, he usually immediately makes you feel guilty and inferior. You, of course, begin to make excuses, or be rude and annoyed in response. And in this and in another case, you throw out a huge amount of your own energy, which your curious acquaintance “feeds on”. And this situation is repeated again and again - every time a person wants to “recharge” from you. For him, this is not a big deal: you yourself showed him all your pain points when you reacted too emotionally to questions.

To break this vicious circle, you need to resort to the method, which in psychology is called breaking the pattern. What is its essence? In response to intrusive inquiries, frank rudeness or unconstructive criticism, you give out a completely non-standard reaction - one that the person you are talking to does not expect from you. You take him by surprise - and now he has to spend his own energy to save face. In other words, with the help of an unexpected maneuver you take control of the situation and ask the conversation the direction that you consider necessary.

9 answer choices

1 Theme change. You ignore the question and lead the conversation away. "Well, we are all about me, tell us better about your successes ...", "Yes, life is a complicated and controversial thing, but the weather today is beautiful, right? I think you can go to the country this weekend."

2 Counterquestion. Instead of answering, you ask your question, which confuses the interlocutor. "And you can ask, what is the reason for your interest?", "The answer to your question will radically change something in your life?", "What do you think yourself?"

3 Thanks. I sincerely thank the interlocutor for his interest in your life: “Thank you for worrying so much about me, I myself am shocked by my life (I can’t sleep, I worry all the time)”, “I didn’t expect such cordiality and interest from you” “Someone told me that you are callous and soulless, and you, it turns out, are completely different.”

4 The exclusion of the interlocutor from the circle of influence. If the topic does not affect him personally, then you are not obliged to discuss anything. Decisively cut short the conversation: “I will only talk about this with someone who is personally concerned, but not with you.” And a point, do not join in the discussion. The method can be applied with close people, but to do it softer and more delicate. For example, the question “When will you give birth to a baby” can be answered: “Perhaps today I will discuss this topic with my husband.”

5 Philosophizing. You begin to reflect on the significance of the topic touched. “You asked an excellent question, the answer to which can be found after many years”, “Oh, no one knows how fate will turn.”

6 The joke Give a joking answer, ranging from "This is secret information", "Yes, you are a terrible person!" To "Better not make me angry, I actually have a black belt in karate." Just remember that these techniques work better in a friendly company, among like-minded people.

7 Misunderstanding. You pretend that you didn’t understand, didn’t hear the interlocutor, forcing him to repeat or rephrase the question: “Sorry, I didn’t hear, I have ears today”. Very often, a person has the spirit to ask for something personal only once. You can ask a clarifying question - this technique is good to use when a lot of people participate in the conversation. “Have I heard correctly that the most exciting question for you is the time of my marriage?” A person does not want to be a laughing stock and he will change the subject.

8 Dramatization. Add a glow of emotion: “Never ask me again about this, do you hear? It's too hard for me to talk about it! ”Or, on the contrary, expressed a desire to share a long history of how“ I came to this life ”(of course, the story should start from your very birth).

9 Contact break Just close the topic with a request not to spend precious time on her interlocutor. “Thank you for your attention, you should not worry about it”, “I beg you, do not bother yourself ...”. It is convenient to use with unfamiliar people (for example, in the queue to the doctor) or with some curious colleagues.

We try in practice

Decided to try the proposed techniques in practice? So that they work well, proceed with caution, observing certain principles:

Choose those methods that suit you. After all, all people are different: someone knows how to successfully joke, and someone is better at portraying cold politeness.

More often combine tricks. Yes, in conversations with strangers, you can use any one answer. But if an amateur to ask awkward questions is in your near environment, it is better to change tactics from time to time. Because a curious acquaintance will quickly remember your favorite reception and find a way to neutralize.

✓ Try to answer sincerely, with a smile, but without mockery. However, if you want to get rid of a person for a long time, you can add sarcasm. So, to the question “Are you kidding me?” You can answer: “What are you doing! Where am I to you.

! If an uncomfortable question is regularly repeated by one of the closest people, take time and frankly discuss with him the reasons for such interest. Most likely, he is really worried about some situation in your life. for example, your mother is worried that she has no grandchildren. Let her talk and explain how you feel when you hear the questions.

How to answer uncomfortable questions?

1. How much do you earn?

The question of money is very common, although it is considered tactless and rude. You have several ways to answer it. The answer will also depend on who asks the question: your work colleague or a stranger on the plane.

The easiest thing to say is that you are not discussing money with anyone except your spouse. Many people accept this answer, but some insist and may continue to pressure to get an answer. Do not give in.

Another good answer would be: "Enough to pay bills and sometimes have fun" or "Not enough to do everything that I would like to".

2. How much did you pay for the apartment?

Another money question that does not deserve an answer. However, if you are a polite person, you can answer something like: "I bought at the current market price. This is a very comfortable apartment, and I immediately liked it as soon as I entered it.".

Quickly change the topic of conversation to let the person know that you have completed the discussion of the price of an apartment. If he or she still wants to know, say that apartment prices can be found on the Internet.

3. Are you still alone?

Many single men and women aged 20-30 have heard this question repeatedly. Often it is asked by relatives who have good intentions, or close friends who want you to be happy. However, when you constantly hear this question, you do not feel very happy.

If you are still single, tell the other person that have not yet found who you want to start a relationship with, but if such a person appears, you will immediately tell everyone.

How to answer tactless questions?

4. Have you recovered / lost weight?

If a person asks you questions about your weight, then the changes are likely to become obvious, and it is likely that you have gained a couple of kilograms.

If someone decided to make such a tactless comment, smile and answer: "I feel great. What about you?"

This will let the person know that you do not want to honor him with the answer to a rude question.

5. When are you expecting a baby?

If you are pregnant, chances are that you have reported this to anyone who needs it. But there are cases when women get better or wear clothes that may make them look pregnant, although this is not the case.

There are several ways to answer such a rude question. You can say that you are not pregnant, and make the person who asked this question feel uncomfortable, or you can call date a few years in advance.

If the person looks confused, answer: "My husband and I decided to wait a couple of years before having children".

6. When are you planning to have children?

Many newlyweds are asked this question. If a friend or close relative asks you, you can answer honestly. However, if this is an unfamiliar person, answer that, as soon as you are married you consider yourself a family.

7. Other rude questions

There are so many tactless questions and obsessive people that you can spend a whole day inventing the right answers. Instead, note yourself several standard phrases that work in different situations.

Here are some examples of such answers:

"Why are you asking me such a rude question?"

"I adhere to the principle of not discussing this topic with someone whom it does not concern.".

Pause, smile and say: "Do you really ask me this question?"

"I do not want to touch on this topic. Let's talk about something else"

"Do you understand how tactless this question is?"

Get a little distance and answer: "I will not answer this question".

Why ask tricky questions at the interview?

The applicant’s first reaction to such questions is surprise, followed by rejection.

However, the purpose of awkward questions is somewhat different.

By asking them, the recruiter wants to find out your hidden qualities and motives, the level of stress tolerance and behavior in an unusual situation.

Hearing a question that puzzles you, no need to laugh it off or be rude. Your reaction and behavior is more important than the “correct” answer — it may not exist as such.

But self-control in a stressful situation will be appreciated.

At what interview should they wait?

Not every jobseeker personnel managers use stress interview techniques. First of all, such questions should be expected of applicants for positions where, in addition to professional knowledge, certain personal qualities are also required, for example:

  • sales manager - the ability to attract and convince a customer, charm,
  • an accountant - decency, the ability to store confidential information,
  • secretary or assistant manager - friendliness, ability to smooth out conflicts,
  • sales assistant - sociability, the ability to remain active for a long time.

Sample answers to tricky questions at the interview, most often asked by recruiters, you will find in the sections below.

Top 5 crafty questions: how to answer them?

It is impossible to predict what a recruiter will ask - each company has its own methods of testing.

But you can explore the basic insidious questions at the interview and the answers to them, so that nothing could take by surprise.

Why are you looking for a new job or quit your previous job??

When asking this question, the interviewer wants to test your self-esteem and ability to find your place in the team. To lie and embellish the situation in this case is impossible - after your departure, the recruiter can call the former head and find out his view of the situation.

Applicants who explain the change of work by important events in their personal life - for example, having a baby, moving, getting a new level of education, cause the greatest disposition. Также можно упомянуть о невозможности дальнейшего профессионального развития и карьерного роста.

Вариант ответа: «Я хорошо овладел профессией и получил навыки, необходимые для моей предыдущей работы, но мне хотелось бы развиваться дальше. Unfortunately, at the same place further growth was impossible, and, despite the good team, I decided to try myself in a new role. ”

Why have you been looking for a job for so long?

The question is relevant if a long period has passed between the dismissal and employment.

It’s not worth answering that you couldn’t find anything worthy of you - you risk to seem overly self-confident and ambitious. Also, do not talk about multiple failures, even if they were.

Explain the long period of job search that did not want to be exchanged for temporary work and engaged in self-education. Also relevant will be important reasons of a personal nature: the illness of loved ones, raising a child, changing their place of residence.

Variant of answer: “I was busy with affairs that required a lot of free time, but now I have completely solved my problems and are ready to work with full dedication”.

You can talk about a difficult situation or failure in your previous place.?

The question of forcing talk about their mistakes and failures, very few people seem pleasant. Nevertheless, it is possible not only to prepare for it, but also to try to benefit. The ability to admit mistakes and draw conclusions is a quality that is valued by most employers.

It is necessary to objectively describe an unpleasant situation, to explain its reasons, without removing the blame from itself. Tell what you have taken to correct it or reduce the negative impact on the company's reputation and mention that you have drawn conclusions.

Variant of answer: “Due to the insufficient study of the project by me, a major deal was disrupted. After analyzing and finalizing the project, I found an equal client and was able to conclude an agreement with him. Now I try to pay more attention to small things. ”

What salary would you like to receive? Explain why you are worthy of her.?

When opening a job, an employer usually denotes an approximate salary, so you can find out its approximate size in advance. You can also focus on the average salary for the profession in your area.

Before you voice the figure, you need to ask about the list of responsibilities and tasks, work schedule and the likelihood of processing.

You can refer to the salary in previous work, increasing the number by no more than 20%, explaining that your qualifications and skills correspond to it.

Variant of answer: “In my previous job I received 50 thousand rubles. I have sufficient qualifications in this area, and the list of tasks that I have to solve in your company is somewhat broader. Therefore, I believe that I can claim a salary of 60-70 thousand. "

Why did you choose our company? What can you do for her??

By hiring you, any employer wants a return commensurate with his costs. The worst option is to answer that you just turned up this job, you are satisfied with the salary or proximity to the house. Also, it is not necessary to explain the choice of a company with financial problems: the need to repay a loan, pay for housing or study.

Variant of answer: “Your company is one of the leading sales of medical equipment in the market. I always wanted to work in a solid company that cooperates with foreign partners, I am interested in quickly solving problems, going on business trips and looking for new clients, concluding contracts with them, expanding my skills and knowledge. ”

Going to an interview, remember: the recruiter does not set a task to refuse to work. His goal is to find the most suitable candidate for this job. Therefore, do not take to heart even the most unpleasant and tricky questions and stay yourself. In this case, you will definitely get a suitable job. Especially since the main tricky questions at the interview and the answers to them, you now know.

Watch the video: how to answer tricky questions at the interview.

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1. Programmers and Sherlock Holmes recommend

Answering unpleasant questions, you have every right not to give your interlocutor any specific information. Behave like a programmer from a joke, who answered the question of the lost Holmes and Watson, traveling by balloon, answered absolutely correctly, but there was no use for his words.

Sir, will you tell us where we are?
- In the balloon basket, sir!

Or give general, but also not too useful information.

How much do you earn?
Like everyone else, the average salary in the industry (significantly less Abramovich).

2. "Mirroring"

"Return" the interlocutor his question. This can be done using two simple techniques.

1) Formulate a “re-inquiry” so that the person with whom you are talking becomes uncomfortable for your interest.Use a universal design that begins with the words "I understand correctly that ...", And its ending will depend solely on whether you will continue to communicate, whether you want to" build "your personal boundaries, etc.:"I understand correctly that you are not averse to holding a candle in my bedroom?", or "I understand correctly that your main problem today is my personal life?", or "I understand correctly that interest in other people's troubles is in the order of things for you?". Well, if you say it all in a very polite, very calm, icy tone and you will not be gesticulating, except to raise one eyebrow in surprise.

2) "Strengthen" the interest in a given topic by addressing the interlocutor a counter question from the same category:

When are you going to give birth to the second?
- And you - the third?

3. “Theater of one actor”

Hearing some unpleasant question, you can always imagine yourself as a great dramatic actress, look at your interlocutor in your eyes, take a deep breath, press your hands to your chest (if you wish, you can “break” your fingers), depict the abyss of despair and say in a tragic voice: “I beg you! Never, you hear, never ask me about it!».

The second option - you depict a person giving a press conference (we will not name specific names, but we recommend to pay attention to the first-tier persons) and utter the phrase: “Please, the next question!". The third version is for fans of the TV series "Univer". Remember the karate man Edward Kuzmin (aka Kuzya) and say: "This is secret information!».

4. "I am not a bore, not a bore, not a bore!"

Instead of being offended, angry, or somehow demonstrating that the question of your interlocutor touched you, begin to answer in an even monotonous voice. The most important thing is the details. Express the smallest details and start very far away!

When will you get married?
Astrologers say that to conclude a happy marriage is necessary that the ascendants of lovers converge (do not ask us what ascendants are and whether they should really converge - any abstruse theory suits you in which your vis-à-vis is not too versed, though the star diagram, though a sharp turn of the life line, though the Nazdak index). And at that moment when I realize that I have met my soul mate and will check whether we are suitable for each other. (it is necessary to specify where and when he was born) then I say to him: "Yes." And not a minute earlier.

5. Joke, it's annoying!

My God, how much did you spend on this dress?
- I had to go hungry for two weeks, but what can't you do for the sake of fashion!

“I admire your ability to ask questions that are baffling!” Or: "You are a delightful woman (amazing man), do you know what always amazed me in you? This is your ability to ask incorrect (complex, rhetorical) questions! ”

“I’m happy to answer your question, just tell me first, why are you so interested in it?”

“And what are you interested in?”

“Do you really want to talk about this?”. If you hear the affirmative "Yes", boldly parry: "But I do not want"- and smile.

If you don’t want to do any more business with a person who asks tactless questions, you can allow some more. For example, to note in response: "This is my dog's business. ”.

Life is a theater!

First of all, take it as a rule for yourself: you shouldn't be rude, make an incredibly surprised face and arm yourself with a glare in response to tactlessness, otherwise you risk passing for a strange and unsociable young lady.

In any delicate situation, the right reaction is important, it’s good if you manage to play with complete indifference or a lack of understanding of the situation, the best option is to bring questions to neutral territory.

Most often, they touch on questions about their personal life, its details and changes, especially if a change for the better, in fact, does not occur.

Especially this kind of curiosity about the innermost strains of young and inexperienced girls, for example, is a situation: you are 20-25 years old, you have recently been abandoned by a guy, there are no real prospects yet, but it seems like it’s time to get married, children start ..

Of course, these are all foolish foundations, which so far cannot be overcome by modern society, but nevertheless on the question: “Are you not yet married?” Or “Did you break up or what? After so many years of relationships? ”You feel at least uncomfortable.

Remember that there will be many such awkward situations in your life, so learn to control yourself, not to panic and not to change all the colors of the rainbow in your face.

Specially exaggerated acting abilities can always come to the rescue: “Oh, yes, I suffered so much, I didn’t sleep at night, I cried, I died, how can I continue to live - I won’t mind”. The main thing at this moment is to artistically roll the eyes and wring one's hands, and after his successful monologue, smile sincerely.

And what, you told the truth about your own break, but at the same time you were not allowed to get into your soul, turning everything into a joke and your own good mood.

Reply honestly, and you can even with the details

Surprisingly, sometimes people who like to ask uncomfortable questions disarm honesty. To the question “Why are you not married” or “Why do you not have children in any way?” You can always answer quite honestly and sincerely - “I don't know.” And what, because you really do not know why this happens, perhaps you yourself are confused about the reasons, so why not say so?

Such an answer is, in fact, universal, after which it is rare for the interlocutor to immediately think what to ask further on the same topic, therefore, in fact, without saying anything, you get the opportunity to quickly move to a different direction. For example, to ask the same awkward question, let someone else suffer now!

Joke of humor

If you have always had a good sense of humor and did not suffer from limited vocabulary, then it will be extremely difficult to hurt you for living.

Any incorrect question that is completely unwilling to answer can be translated into a good, and sometimes even a poisonous joke.

For example, when asked about marriage, you can always answer something like “As soon as - so right away” or “Just a bit - I'll let you know first!” In fact, these are generally universal answers that can be used as a template for any unpleasant question.

The popular phrase of many psychologists - “Do you want to talk about it?” Or the guards - “This is secret information!”. After such a joking reply, it is unlikely that a serious conversation will continue in an uncomfortable direction.

Translate arrows

You can always answer a question with a question, and although such a communication option does not belong to the rules of cultural communication, it does not matter, because the question to you also does not belong to the category of decent.

Try to "strengthen" the interest in the topic under discussion, simply by asking the other person a question from the same opera. Sometimes it is worthwhile to show your interlocutor that you really do not understand his heightened interest in a particular area of ​​your personal life. For example, to the question "How much do you get on average?", You can answer something like "Multiply your salary by 5 and get my weekly income."

Answer in such a way that the interlocutor becomes uncomfortable for his stupid and inappropriate question. Usually the construction “I understand correctly ...” is used here. For example, "I understand correctly that your main concern is my personal life?"

It is always important to remember that before delicate questions and tactless interlocutors it is impossible to show their perplexity and confusion, and sometimes it is possible that such a person should be put in place, especially if you know exactly what you see for the first and last time.