Women's Tips

Learning to find a common language with the mother in law

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Psychologist, Kinesiologist Online consultant. Specialist from the website b17.ru

- April 12, 2009, 15:33

Do not worry.
You also live according to your mood, let IT adjust to YOU.

- April 12, 2009, 16:19

Why do you need a second mom? Mom is one! Do not worry, if she is a person of mood, then it will be forever in the mood, then no. Pay less attention.

- April 12, 2009, 16:22

If something happens in a family, say, through the fault of her husband, then his mother takes the side of her son (almost always!), Correctly, she is his mother! Then what kind of mother you can have her, even with good relations? That never understood!

- April 12, 2009, 16:34

With mother-in-law, you need to keep steady, do not look for a mom in them, be polite and respectful. When she is in a bad mood, do not meddle, remember that her blu is always right for her, here’s something to do and dance

- April 12, 2009, 18:41

Do not waste time. My mother-in-law will never be a mom unless she is a desperately romantic trusting person (Like me). I adore my sister-in-law. Her mother died in childhood. Raised her stepmother. Good woman, we have a good relationship. But she began to notice that she was a little jealous of her stepmother. So I like her. Clever seasoned girl. In real life, mothers-in-law are such ***. I was so. Petty, greedy rag. My husband and I have broken my whole life, interfering and setting both my husband and son against me. I hate her. I adored the first mother-in-law and also wanted her to be my mother. Only she did not see anyone in her life, except her son. Nafig I gave it up.

- April 12, 2009, 18:50

The author, in relations with the mother-in-law, observe politeness and keep a distance, otherwise, all your revelations with her can go sideways in the future, and you can spend your energy building relationships with your husband and raising your children. Never mother-in-law will not be your mother.

- April 12, 2009, 19:28

The author would like to advise you not to try to get close to her mother-in-law. You will never be her daughter. NEVER! You have your own little Mama. Will she ever love your husband the way she loves you, her daughter, her heart ..)) ?? Why do you try to get close with your mother-in-law? Mother very often! (almost always) it is difficult to come to terms with the idea that the son chose another woman (in a figurative sense) therefore jealousy arises. appraising views begin .. and almost every sister-in-law is not satisfied with her mother-in-law. So many dogs eaten on the mother-in-law. Have devchek and nervous breakdowns, and miscarriages .. Why is it necessary? On the contrary, keep a polite distance and do not give food for talking.

- April 12, 2009, 21:08

The best way to build a relationship is to ask for some advice or a recipe, referring to her experience and her inexperience. She will be pleased. It is not necessary to follow her advice, just find a way to make friendship.

- April 12, 2009, 21:09

Of course, the mother-in-law will not become a mother, but having a good relationship is very important. In life, you may need her help. Yes, and it’s generally bad when there are conflicts in the family.

- April 13, 2009, 2:05 pm

it’s better not to do anything, otherwise it may become worse, I also thought that my second mom would become me, but no, she has her own plans for me, I’m looking to her with all my heart, and I’m told that I’m doing everything wrong I am insidious, calculating and angry. Well, well, now we just do not communicate.

- April 15, 2009, 11:12

THE LESS THAT COMMONLY BETTER THAN MORE PUSH, HAVE TRIED FRIENDS - GET OUT OF SIDE!

- April 15, 2009, 15:48

If a normal woman, she will only be happy for her son. I’m a mother-in-law myself, I don’t climb to them, they’ll ask for everything, I’m healthy - I needed her, I fell ill — someone else’s aunt was right for her. You can’t think like that, mother-in-law and then you will understand how hard it is.

- January 13, 2010 01:05

IF A WISE WOMAN AND WHICH HAS ELSE HAS ITS OWN PERSONAL LIFE, THIS IS JUST A GOLD, AND NOT A BEAST OR LIQUID.

- January 18, 2010, 16:19

My mother-in-law lives by mood. Then we get along with her, then no. We live, thank God, separately. What to do so, in-law was for me a loving second mom?

- January 18, 2010, 16:22

how to make one so that the mother-in-law respect me

- February 2, 2010, 13:49

My mother-in-law is just some kind of horror. we live separately, but she and her father-in-law constantly climb into our lives and believe that we should only live as they want (according to their traditions) just a mother-in-law Tatar, and I am Russian. And we recently had a child, so my mother-in-law I simply tortured me with my stupid instructions on his upbringing. Well, the advice would have been wise, otherwise she carries all sorts of nonsense. Advise what to do? She got me so bad that I already think about divorce.

- March 1, 2010, 13:03

Mine is no better, lying, greedy and petty. We live together in a huge apartment, they don’t want to exchange money, since the son of the father is one, and her son still lives separately from the 1st marriage. And he constantly compares me with his older daughter-in-law, of course, not in my favor, and this daughter-in-law mother's good. and it all came down to the fact that I would not do everything she did not like, although I cook well, keep the house clean, but “somehow I do not reach that one” in the end I don’t communicate with “that” I'm just allergic to it, for obvious reasons. And the mother-in-law is now offended that they say why you do not go to them for the holidays, do not congratulate, etc. and after a while I found out that at one time my father-in-law did not recognize her daughter-in-law, it turns out his stepson's wife (believe there were objective reasons for it) can she therefore take it out on me? And she is not jealous of my husband to-me. She loves only her eldest son. And she even confessed that if the 2nd marriage had divorced my father-in-law for a long time, everything would be wrong, his apartment and his main earner in the family , a good man is just, and he will leave to his son, so that the "father-in-law, my dear," freaks out further.

Related topics

- 11 August 2010, 15:50

My husband and I have a problem. We have to travel every weekend to the village to see her parents-in-law along with the mother-in-law. There you need to work all day and do only what the mother-in-law says, nishagu left, right. They ask to work only for my husband and me, although my husband has diabetes. The older brother of her husband (older by 2 years) also travels with us, no one ever forces him to work, only my husband has to do hard work. I tried to talk to the "mother" and the husband's brother, so to me that the "mother" that the daughter-in-law express what I am bad, do not do anything, etc. We have to live with her husband's parents, while we are still saving money. The elder brother, wife, and the forefather, and the father-in-law, rent an apartment and want to buy it in time.

- 11 August 2010, 18:02

So there were circumstances that my husband and I have been living with his mother for 8 months. Of these, I have not been working for the last 2 months, as I am pregnant and suffer from toxicosis. My mother-in-law works until one o'clock in the afternoon - and the rest of the time we spend with her in the same 3-room apartment, in different rooms. I can see hormones playing since I recently became irritable, nervous and capricious. Her grandchildren come to her mother-in-law every day - and until evening noise is provided. All this time I have been closing in the room - trying by some measure to find relative peace. Yesterday, the first conflict occurred between me and the mother-in-law — I recognized that I was unjustly rude to her — and asked not to pay attention to my unbalanced state. Now, my mother-in-law doesn't speak to me. I am 23 years old, she is 60, there is absolutely nothing in common between us and finding topics for conversation is an impossible task. My character is not simple: straightforwardness, all my own opinion, stubbornness. What should I do with it? Fortunately, in a couple of months my husband and I move to our own house.

- 12 August 2010, 19:34

My opinion: the mother-in-law can become the second loving mother in only one case out of a hundred. The reason is simple: jealousy. She will simply be jealous of her son-in-law and will not understand how and what she found about her. From my experience I will say that I try not to engage in familiarity, I do not try to win the love of my mother-in-law. As I understood it is useless. Strictly delineating our personal space with my husband and not letting my way into our lives. The advice is good at the right time, and not always without asking for it. Her the mother-in-law is angry, but otherwise he will just sit on his head and make him dance to his tune.

How to find a common language with the mother in law

"An intelligent woman gets a daughter, and a stupid one loses a son." It’s better not to say so, but far from everything the future daughter-in-law and the groom's mother have an idyllic relationship. And each is trying to prove that she is right. Learn better how to find a common language with the mother-in-law and you do not have to spend years in useless struggle with it.

Of course, meeting with a young man, you present yourself with him as a whole, well, at least as independent people. You do not even think that a third person, especially a mother-in-law, can interfere in your relationships and life. And, having heard a lot of “experienced” girlfriends or having read horror stories on the forum, you react to the very first remark (correct or not quite) too vigorously. Let's not consider the question whether she (the mother of your beloved, by the way) has this and that. A priori has, sometimes even abuses this right. Learn to start looking for a reason in yourself and be the first to go to the world.

Naturally, if the mother-in-law is a categorically inadequate person, no one will force you to love her. But it is necessary to find a common language. If you want to live with her son. Making the husband break off the relationship with the mother is not an option, then he comes around from his children.

So, how to behave with the mother-in-law?

1. Do not try to re-educate her - it is unreal. Yes, and you do not have the right. Of course, if you are diametrically opposed personalities, it will be difficult for you to communicate, but it is impossible for a person who is older than you, to be hewed under his curve. Criticism and complaints to her husband are also inappropriate here. Be wiser, adjust yourself.

2. Do not dismiss her advice. - to teach is a natural occupation of the mother-in-law. If she doesn't do it tactfully, don't show your teeth. On the contrary, a conciliatory, discreet and benevolent tone will give a better result than the wall-to-wall tactic. In addition, you do not need to cook borscht and wear a hairstyle exactly as she says. But you need to listen to it.

3. Find the good in it - this woman simply cannot be absolutely bad, if only because she is the mother of your beloved husband. In it, too, there is her blood and in your children will be. And do not take in head during quarrels to reproach the spouse that he is “the same as his mommy”. Do you really want him to give up his mother and blood ties? This is blasphemous.

4. Be grateful - after all, this woman gave birth to such a wonderful man as your husband! Stop perceiving the mother-in-law as a rival, taking away your beloved one, and then, maybe, she will cease to see the rival in you.

We hope these tips will help you find a common language with the mother-in-law and live in peace and harmony.

How to improve relationships

The first step towards mutual understanding on the part of the daughter-in-law is the acceptance of the fact that the mother-in-law is really a significant woman in her husband's life. She gave him life, raised and made him the way you loved him. The most important and difficult fact on the way of reconciliation.

To solve the problem of misunderstanding in the family can husband. The main thing is that he does not occupy the most convenient position for him - neutrality.

He, as the head of the family, should talk to his mother and explain that now he does not need care, as it was before. His beloved wife takes care of him and he is pleased with the way she does business.

The absence of active actions on his part is the cause of quarrels between spouses. To prevent this from happening, all complaints about the behavior of the mother-in-law should be reported to her personally. How to find a common language with the mother-in-law is a typical conflict psychology.

Follow a few simple rules:

  • speak concrete facts and cases
  • use "I-statement",
  • talk about your feelings
  • do not pay attention to cavils
  • move away from conflict with a joke or an “urgent matter.”

In fulfilling the last rule, you will not only wisely act, but increase your authority in the eyes of your husband. But this does not mean that you should always avoid quarrels. Sometimes it is necessary to take the attack and put everything in its place. Make it clear that you are a separate family and you take advice together.

How to prevent conflict?

Having understood the reasons for this behavior of the mother-in-law, it becomes clear how to find a common language with the mother-in-law. Show more attention, make it clear that no one is going to throw it. Come to visit, be interested in her affairs, say hello, make gifts for no reason.

Show love to your husband, show that he does not feel a lack of attention: hug, kiss. Feel free to show your emotions to others. In order for the mother-in-law to feel necessary, ask her about small requests, ask for advice.

After the wedding, the son's mother lost the meaning of life. Indeed, since the birth she took care of him. To get her back to normal, suggest finding a hobby. An excellent way out of the situation is to provide the one about whom she can take further care. For example, donate a puppy.

Do not forget that in a couple of decades you can also become a mother-in-law. Imagine what you will feel in this situation. This will help to better find understanding with the mother-in-law and understand the reasons for her behavior.

Mother in law or "mother"?

In fact, conflict often begins long before a significant meeting of future opponents takes place. On this subject there is a funny, but very revealing joke. "Rejoice, you have a boy!" - The doctor tells the woman in labor. “I already hate HER,” - sizzles in response through clenched teeth. Of course, this is a joke, but there is some truth in it. A rare mother is ready, with a light heart, to let go of her precious, grown-up son with such love to another woman. Let the “boy” not five years ago, let him stand confidently on his own feet, let him finally finally begin to make gray hair. Is someone able to take care of his son as well as his own mother ?!

For the sake of justice, it must be said that the daughters-in-law are no less often guilty of prejudice towards their future relative. Most women go to get acquainted with the husband’s parents, armed with proverbs like “Mother-in-law will drink all the blood” and are ready to take in hostility everything that comes from the “second mother”. Gave advice? Believes I'm a bad hostess. Offered help? He wants to emphasize that I myself can not cope. Calling for a weekend rest? Climbing into our lives, can not accept that her son is now with me, when will she be left behind ...

Or maybe you should not immediately perceive the mother-in-law as an enemy? Truly pathological cases of parental love are not as common, and we'll talk about them later. Try to look at this woman with different eyes. Not like a malicious and corrosive aunt, just waiting for the young family to collapse, but like your loved one's mom. It may well be that you have met a completely adequate and even nice woman, and all her advice, even if it’s sometimes tactless or even intrusive, comes from excitement and a sincere desire to help your family to take place. Finding a common language and overcoming the inevitable difficulties of “mashing” will become many times easier!

There is an effective psychological technique. Once you are visiting a mother-in-law, try to take a seat next to her. The interlocutor sitting next to him is psychologically less likely to be perceived as an opponent than the person with whom the table shares us.

How to prevent the conflict to flare up?

  • Once and for all, remember for yourself: this woman bore and raised your man, and therefore will always occupy a significant place in his life. Trying by hook or by crook to exclude her from the circle of their communication is useless. When meeting, do not in any way show hostility! A warm smile and a quiet, quiet voice are by themselves able to resolve many conflicts.
Your task is not to destroy your husband’s relationship with your mother, but to build your own
  • Even if your mother-in-law's advice is really annoying to you, never refuse to listen to them. Moreover: consult yourselves more often in different everyday situations, especially at first. Ask to share the recipe of your beloved's favorite cutlets - you want to learn how to cook them just as tasty. Ask about the best way to wash the collar of a shirt - her husband always has such snow-white ones! As if by chance, praise her hairstyle, manicure, well-groomed hands of her mother-in-law and ask what kind of master she goes to. So you will show that you respect the opinion of the “second mother” and once again make it clear: you really care about her son and want him to feel good and comfortable. It is not necessary to follow the received advice, the main thing is not to do it demonstratively. By the way, who said that a woman wise with experience and life will not tell you anything worthwhile?
  • If the intervention of the mother-in-law in your life begins to really go beyond, you will have to be patient, patient, and venture into a serious conversation. Believe me, sooner or later it will take place anyway. It is better now, while long-held emotions are still not bubbling in you ready to explode a volcano! Try to explain to the mother-in-law that you really appreciate her support, but now you and your son have a family. Something in her will not be as she used to. Что-то вы хотите делать по-своему. В чём-то с радостью примете её помощь — и сами при случае окажете её. Но строить свои отношения и быт вы собираетесь самостоятельно. Только не срывайтесь во время разговора на вопль «вы нам всю жизнь заели!» Этот вариант развития событий заведомо тупиковый.

Three important prohibitions: what the bride should not do

  1. Do not try to involve the husband and other family members in quarrels with the mother-in-law. First, it will only exacerbate the conflict, and instead of a small altercation you will get a full-blown scandal. And secondly, are you sure that your husband will take your side? Do not forget, he grew up with this woman and probably understands her better than you.
  2. Do not complain and mother-in-law on his son. Even if she formally supports you, she internally hardly approves of claims to her boy. And put another tick in the list of your shortcomings.
  3. If you got a really hard case, and your mother-in-law openly provokes clashes, try not to let her pull herself into them. It is not necessary to respond to each abusive word addressed to the two in order to emerge victorious from the dispute! Sometimes it is much more reasonable to keep silent. Try to abstract. Take a moment to stroll and calm your nerves. Direct irritation in a peaceful course - knock out pillows or a rug, which should have been engaged for a long time. Believe me, the most patient husband once get tired of watching your mother attack you and he will take your side. To tolerate the constant scandals, even from the native person does not like anyone.

No matter how bad things are, never give your husband an ultimatum: “either I or your mom!” Even if at first he chooses you, it is unlikely to strengthen your relationship. You yourself, who would you choose?

Letting diplomacy go

  1. If you live in the same house with your husband's parents, try to agree on the distribution of responsibilities. Let's say you cook pretty well - so why not take on lunch and dinner, leaving your mother-in-law cleaning? You can simply alternate your homework by doing it in turn. With a firm condition: the mother-in-law trusts you, does not control and does not alter for you what she does not like.
  2. Take care that even in the parental apartment you have your own territory and without scandals, but firmly defend your rights to it. Let it be a corner behind the closet, but it is yours and you cannot go in there without knocking, and even more so impose your own orders.
  3. All that you want to convey to the "second mother", we express in private and without pretensions. Instead of the words “your constant cavils oppose me,” we choose a relaxed version: “I’m really sad that you don’t trust me as your hostess.”
  4. If you live separately, take regular time to once again call your husband's mother, inquire about her health, and come to visit. Without feeling abandoned and unnecessary, the mother-in-law will no longer call her son demanding to come immediately on far-fetched pretexts — she will know that you will visit her already soon.
  5. Do not save grievances. Complete the training, master the technique of psychological relief. Learn to let go of angry thoughts. Even if your mother-in-law is truly a monster, constant mental chewing of the past will only harm you. It is better to calm down and try to think about how to arrange your life, not focusing on the quarrelsome relative.

Video: How to build relationships with new relatives

Not every daughter-in-law will be lucky to meet a kind, wise and understanding mother-in-law. Some will have to show real miracles of courage and patience in order to preserve their young family and peace in it. But think about this: not much time will pass, and you yourself can become a mother-in-law. What would you like to see a girl your son already brings home? What kind of relationship will you expect from her? Try now to become the daughter-in-law of your dreams, and maybe very soon your relationship with your mother-in-law will be improved?

What to do?

First, you need to put yourself in the place of your mother-in-law. From the point of view of psychology, this is a very effective method in a situation of any conflict, because it is only in this way that you can understand why a person acts this way and not otherwise.

Your mother-in-law is, first of all, the mother of your loved one, which means a close, respected and dear person for him.

If you are already a mother, you should understand how your mother-in-law trembles your husband, because he is her son, beloved and dear. She carried him out, gave birth and brought up, empathized him with successes and failures, soothed and read bedtime stories, took his hand in school and refused new boots to buy him a toy.

Now her son grew up, some strange girl came and took him with her, took the place of her mother, forcing her to the background. Unpleasant, right? Believe me, our mother-in-law, like you, needs time to get used to her daughter-in-law, get to know her better and add up her opinion.

This, in fact, is that unplowed field, when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not well acquainted, the latter should show herself here in the best possible way, treat with understanding and gratitude the woman who gave you such a beloved and dear husband.

Smile to her once again, ask about the affairs and mood, if you are expecting your first acquaintance, then try not to sit at the table opposite her mother-in-law, but rather find a place somewhere near her.

Mother is always worried about her son, even if he is already 40 years old, he is still an object of adoration for her. Try to show that you, like her, want only the best for her son, take care of your husband, show affection, ask his mother once again, what he likes, what is best for him to cook for dinner and how best to fold his things.

Interestingly, no one forces you to unconditionally fulfill all the recommendations and teachings of the mother-in-law, you can listen and put it aside, but the woman will be pleased to know that her opinion is important to you. The most serious difficulties begin if a young family begins to live with her husband's parents. Here, the general life and territory, which is not possible to share all the hostesses.

There are cases when the mother-in-law, without even realizing it, steps over the edges of the rational, comes in without a knock to the newlyweds, makes plans for the weekend according to his script, including the young family, without asking for their consent. In such and other similar situations, it is necessary to establish strict rules that will apply to all family members.

As for the economy, sometimes the policy helps the division of labor: someone buys food, cooks dinner, and someone erases, cleans and washes windows. If the views on the management of the two women are different, then the option is most likely the only one: to disperse in different homes.

And, by the way, this does not mean that your mother-in-law is bad, it’s just that each of you is used to living in your own way, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Even if, living in different apartments, your mother-in-law manages to arrange Sunday "checks" of your home, do not get angry, but treat with humor, because she does this not out of malice, and thus tries to help you with the housekeeping.

For the rest, older women are more often more experienced than young wives, so sometimes it may be worthwhile to listen to their instructions and recommendations.

The only mother-in-law to blog about the relationship between mother-in-law and sister-in-law

Hello dear readers.

Once again I am convinced of the usefulness of comments. In them, I find new topics for writing posts. And for this you, dear readers, thank you very much!

How many do not write about the relationship of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but there is always something to write. In the comments, I read that the daughter-in-law, who lives in the same apartment with her mother-in-law, does not communicate with her in any way.

Here are excerpts from the comments:

I could not find an approach and a common language with the daughter-in-law. She immediately told me. ”The unclean alien brush.” You are strangers to me - do not try and I hate you. I did not say a bad word to her and no one would believe me. Everyone will say understand yourself. In what? That she took her into her house with love, but it turned out that I should not have met with her at all, and even “zraste” to tell her that it was her father-in-law, and she had not yet spoken. She does not answer the question, but only “Yeah.” But now, if she needs to do her own business, she is good for the day. And then again, too ... I don’t need anything from her, but the human attitude should be, if she does good, I understand. They will tell me, do not do it, but I cannot live like this. It seems to me that she and my husband hate me only because our son is not a rich businessman (but this is all ahead). After all, she knew for whom she left and gave birth to a child.

Although I tried my best to accept her as a daughter and even try now. Just looking for all the good in it and notice. And in me she sees one negative. How to be?

How many times do I stumble upon the phrase “the mother-in-law of a stranger”, so much of it jars on me from this phrase. I do not understand why the "alien"? But even if a person is a stranger, this does not mean that it is possible to disobey at least the elementary rules of decency.

After all, at work, all really strangers. And yet, everyone is greeting, talking, talking. And if people live in the same apartment and do not greet, then this is an elementary bad manners. And this is not going anywhere. Although everything can get used to.

And I can’t definitely judge how to find a common language with the daughter-in-law, but I want to think a little. When the son brought the girl, and she began to live with us, the relationship was initially such as described in the comments. Although my sister-in-law did not say anything to me. My mother and I were very much affected by this situation. And then we pondered and understood this.

A girl came to the house, and all strangers were around. Husband at work, she even rarely left the room without him. She closed in her sink and that's it. I tried to put myself in her place. And I felt sorry for her. But what to do among adult women? What to talk about?

And I began to slowly look for approaches to it. Trying to find a common language, pull it out of the room into the kitchen. For such small requests: “Try the soup, haven't I overdone it?”, “Help me make a salad” or “The teapot boiled, do you want tea?”

I believe that the reason can always be found. When she cooks, I try not to lose the moment and praise her, and what she cooks. And he cooks delicious. No need to do this compulsively, but rather by chance. So slowly she began to leave the room, and then began to drink tea together.

And when the child was born, of course, there were certain problems, I wrote about them. But over time, things got better. And now I try to practically not interfere. I wrote about this in the "Book for Mother in Law".

I want to go for a walk with the baby on the street, I ask that his parents dress him and go. Although no one asks me. I enjoy communicating with my grandson.

You know, not everyone can immediately find a common language with the daughter-in-law, but I think that everything can get better. Moreover, if there is a child, there is always a reason for communication.

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Source: How to find a common language with the daughter-in-law. What should I do if difficulties arise in relations with the daughter-in-law? How to find a common language? Http: //svekrovyshka.ru/kak-najti-obshhij-yazyk-s-nevestkoj.html

It is said that the conflict between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is laid by nature itself.

A mother sometimes does not want to come to terms with the fact that she has to share her son with another woman. She sometimes cannot accept that a son can only love her.

Or maybe the reason is that the mother, losing influence on her son, begins to be jealous of his wife? The moment of letting go of a son is very difficult and critical. No one wants such a change. Mom will have to revise their own lives, and adapt to the new status.

For a woman, the family always represents the greatest meaning and value. Therefore, any permutations, “losses” in the family are extremely sensitive for a woman. Here comes jealousy. And in jealousy women are capable of anything.

What is jealousy? It is envy when someone else encroaches on "Mine." Mothers are jealous of another woman when her son’s love goes the other way.

And at this time it is very important for the son to support the mother. Letting her know that she is as loved as before.

It is clear that this is difficult to do in the first months after marriage. But this can be thought of in advance, before marriage. So that the mother becomes aware of the transition to the new status, and the future daughter-in-law — to see how emotionally dependent the son is on parents.

Even for the most beautiful mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law is only the mother of her grandchildren, the wife of her son. Such a more or less successful application to your favorite people. Ideal relationships in this situation are not built on emotions, but on mutual agreements and distances. Especially, when another link joins you in the family - a child. To maintain a more or less smooth relationship, it’s enough to learn a few rules, and then the daughter-in-law will smoothly change from the category of “bad” if not to “favorite”, then in extreme case to “tolerant”

If you do not like the chosen one of a son, understand, this is his choice, whatever it may be. If you want happiness for your son, let him build this happiness with the woman he chose, and you step aside gathering all the strength, do not interfere with the formation of a new family, leave your advice in case they are asked.

What should a man do if he is forced to take part in a conflict between his wife and mother.

Usually in conflicts between wife and mother, sons try not to participate and not to interfere. Although many men painfully perceive the bad attitude of the mother to his beloved woman. And if a mother wants to maintain good relations with her son, she should not be jealous of his daughter-in-law, she herself should not strive to get into the role of a mother for your son. Don't love the daughter-in-law, but take pity on your son! Do not force your son to be torn between you. It will not add you his love.

How to minimize conflicts that often arise in the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law?

As a rule, most often such situations arise in families in which young families have to live with their husband's parents. The newly-made mistress irritates the mother-in-law with her own way of housekeeping, which is different from the one adopted in the house, and, what is most important, too painful perception of remarks in her address. Here the husband should come to the aid of the daughter-in-law. It is he who can help his wife find faith in herself, overcome temporary difficulties and instill in her a sense of confidence.

The path to the mother-in-law's heart lies through her instinct of motherhood.

Good advice: if you pretend that the wishes, requests, and “valuable instructions” of your second mother are not only taken for granted, but are willingly fulfilled, the woman will not notice how she will become a attentive and caring daughter. In a relationship, irritability and stinginess will disappear. If the conflict situation could not be avoided, then her son should talk to the mother-in-law: her parents listen more to their own children, readily meet them and are more willing to forgive them. But the mother-in-law should also remember that the son’s family is already an alien family, and it is hardly appropriate to impose its own rules on it.

In the future, the wise daughter-in-law should not be a rival to her mother-in-law, but her ally.

They have nothing to share: they both love the same person, who, in turn, loves them both. The jealousy of two women will bring nothing but a feeling of confusion and injustice. Mothers are particularly depressed by the idea that she is losing her son. A young wife must convince the mother-in-law of the opposite. In the end, she must understand that she will also be a mother and herself may be in a similar situation. Well, what about a man who finds himself between two millstones?

The foundation of any happy family is, first and foremost, cohesion. And not only within a young family, but also in relations with parents. It is not necessary for the sake of calm one side to ignore the other. Just in everything you need to comply with a reasonable sense of proportion.

We find a common language with the daughter in law

Of all the forms of human relationships, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is one of the most complex and ambiguous. The eternal confrontation of these two women is almost inevitable, especially if they live in the same house or apartment. The reasons for quarrels between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law can be very diverse. They can relate to any domestic issues - cleaning, cooking or washing. Often, aggravations in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law occur against the background of diverging views on raising or caring for a child. Whatever the sources of all these problems, the main thing is to find a solution in time. This will help create a favorable climate in the family and will positively affect absolutely all households.

Very often the first step in the search for mutual understanding is made by the older, wiser, and experienced generation. The time comes when a desperate mother-in-law asks a seemingly intractable question - how to find a common language with the daughter-in-law? There are some simple and valuable tips to help you find a solution for this problem.

First, the mother-in-law should try to find out the choice of his son closer. The best way to do this is to have a chat over a cup of coffee or general shopping. Who knows, maybe the mother-in-law will be able to find a lot in common with his daughter-in-law, because, as you know, men often choose women who are like their mothers as wives.

Another extremely important rule is the need to refrain from criticism and teaching. Именно эти действия, обычно, стимулируют формирование враждебного отношения между свекровью и невесткой. Также не стоит напоминать сыну о его бывших подругах в присутствии его жены. Это является скрытой формой унижения человека, и, в конце концов, противоречит всем правилам этических человеческих отношений.

One of the most important rules that will help avoid problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that you should not interfere in disputes, and even more so in the quarrels of a young couple. No wonder popular wisdom says: "Lovely curse - just amuse themselves."

And finally, it is worth remembering that whatever the situation, you can not put your son in front of the choice between his mother and wife. Indeed, the only goal of a truly caring mother is precisely the happiness of her child, and such a situation will not bring the desired well-being to any family member.

Source: We find a common language with the daughter-in-law. Of all forms of human relationships, one of the most complex and ambiguous is the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Http://www.akinto.me/obschestvo/nahodim-obschiy-yazyik-s-nevestkoy-2218.html

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: how to find a common language

Mother in law. how much of this sound! It is said that this word in translation from the Old Slavic language means “its own blood,” that is, a person who has become a mother. For someone - fiction, but for someone - a happy reality. Is it possible to achieve this? Let's try to figure it out.

With “happy reality” everything is clear. And what if the relationship does not add up? First it is worth understanding the reasons. Of course, situations are different, but in practice, often the cause of the confrontation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the fight for a man. The one who is one of them son, and the other - her husband.

External reasons for quarrels can be different: “You are a bad hostess,” “Why did the mother-in-law think of digging potatoes exactly when we go on a picnic?”, “My son was not used to eating sandwiches!”, Etc. In most cases, on the one hand, the fear of loneliness, the feeling of being useless, abandoned, and the stress that a way of life has changed is behind mutual rejection. On the other hand, there is a desire to assert oneself, to firmly take one's position in a family of one which was created recently.

How to establish a peaceful relationship with the mother-in-law? To begin with, take for granted the fact that she is really a significant person not only for her husband, but also for you. Of course, you have the right to your own opinion about this or that person. But nevertheless, it is worthwhile to show respect to the spouse's mother, if only for the fact that she presented the world (and you) with such a wonderful man! This is the very first, although perhaps the most difficult moment on the path to mutual understanding.

The second moment is the battlefield. Often a husband becomes a buffer between his wife and mother. Both complain to him about each other and call for action. As a result, often a quarrel, starting between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, turns into a scandal between spouses. And this is dangerous. To avoid such a turn of events, it is worthwhile to act as follows:

• what you do not like in the behavior of the mother-in-law, it is better to inform her personally, bypassing the "intermediaries". At the same time try to remain correct, and also use "I-statements". It is desirable that your claims contain a statement of facts, a description of the situation and their feelings ("When you. I feel unpleasant / offensive / dislike."). This will help to avoid the transition to the individual and further controversy.

• if you want to throw out your emotions and experiences, it is preferable to pour out the soul of a friend. No matter how trusting your relationship with your husband is, in this case he is not the best adviser. Do not forget that the person who is now your opponent is your mother. To confront him with a choice: “Whose side are you on?” Means to drive into a dead end situation. This may lead to new conflicts.

• Do not make claims too important. Sometimes they are really exaggerated and have the character of quibbles. But despite this, try to find the strength to be indulgent and wise. Here a successful joke can help, translating the conversation into a philosophical stream, a sudden “urgent” affair. Such techniques in most cases reduce the conflict to nothing. In addition, diplomacy and decent behavior will increase your rating in the eyes of others.

Along with this, in some cases it makes sense not to avoid the imposed quarrel, but to “take the fight”. Open confrontation can contribute to a new alignment of positions in the family, the establishment of clear boundaries between parents and adult children, and the affirmation of the status of young husband and wife. But here it is very important, firstly, not to cross the line, and, secondly, not to turn the conflict into a protracted war. Winners will not be in it. But the losses are obvious to all its participants. You can also set the boundaries of the family in a relatively peaceful way. To do this, you need to calmly and firmly make it clear that you are now a separate “unit of society” that can exist independently. You make decisions together, build plans together, you decide who and when to ask for advice. There may be manipulation by relatives. Well, "keep the defense." This is a test of the strength of your new family.

The third moment: how to build bridges? The choice of ways and means of establishing peaceful relations depends on the particular situation. Maybe the mother-in-law feels abandoned after her son leaves for a new family? Then you should pay more attention to it, to show care. And these are not necessarily visits and lengthy detailed conversations. You can talk on the phone, send greetings, show interest in business, give small gifts for no reason. Sometimes miracles are able to create simple phrases: “How are you feeling?”, “Everything will be fine”, “You are well done”, “We love you”. Or maybe the mother-in-law is driven by fear for his son: “Will he be happy with his wife?”?

Try to show your spouse mum your love for him: often hug, kiss, surround with warmth and caress. If she visually makes sure that his beloved son is loved, cared for and cherished - the tension will subside. Often the mother-in-law is driven by the need to be needed. It seems to be a good aspiration, but it often causes problems. Then your requests and requests, questions, seeking advice, etc. will come to the rescue. Satisfying her desire to be in demand, you will be able to arrange the mother-in-law to yourself. In addition, some mothers after the marriage of sons disappear the meaning of life: they have nothing to do, nothing to strive for. In this case, you can search and offer some hobby: photography, embroidery, hiking, cooking, collecting, etc. A good option is to give a puppy or kitten (unless, of course, the mother-in-law loves animals).

The fourth moment: a look into the future. Try to mentally transfer to the future and present yourself as a mother-in-law. How do you behave, what do you say and what do you want? What do you miss? What are you striving for? What upsets you? What drives you? How would you resolve conflicts with the daughter in law? What could you advise her? This exercise helps to slightly rise above the situation, look at it from the side, distract and “cool down”. After all, we are all people. And man, as is known, is not a perfect being and is capable of making mistakes. And if it were not for the ability to forgive - it would be difficult to reach an understanding.

Source: Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: how to find a common language. How many are in this sound. They say that this word translated from Old Slavic means “own blood”, that is, the person who became native Dttp: //www.resnichka.ru/2010/01/14 /svekrov.html

Causes and solutions to problems with mother in law

When another woman appears in her son’s life who cares about him, this causes his mother’s jealousy. Well, when a couple lives separately. And if you have to divide the total living space, the situation is aggravated. The mother-in-law begins to dictate his rules, which are not always to the liking of the daughter-in-law. How to find a common language with the mother-in-law is described below.

The reasons for the scandals of the mother-in-law are the fear of loneliness, the feeling of being useless, the stress due to a change in the stable way of life. The bride wants to establish herself in her new family.

Relations between members of two clans are not perfect.

On the 4th Sunday of October, the International Day of Mother-in-law is celebrated around the world. It is unlikely that many sons-in-law will hasten to congratulate their second mothers with flowers, champagne and a box of chocolates. For many people, the relationship between members of both clans of families is complex and tense. The mother-in-law daughter-in-law couple is no exception. If you are one of those who associate communication with the spouse's mother by walking around the minefield and the disapproving exclamations “I warned you!”, Stop fighting with her. Stop fighting with every remark and make tragedy out of it.

The bride is allowed exactly as much as the mother-in-law wants

The truth is that the daughters-in-law are in their mother-in-law’s home in a state of no rights. Even if you are allowed to come to your husband's parents to celebrate the New Year, you are unlikely to be allowed to cut salads and serve the table. Many of us simply do not have happy family relationships with relatives of a spouse. Sometimes young women are exhausted, trying to prove that they deserve a kind word, but in return receive only the next portion of reproaches.

Everything can change

Do not despair, science has made another breakthrough. A new study, the results of which were published this spring in the journal Human Nature, found ways to help any woman find a common language with her mother-in-law. According to scientists, parents do not always find options that would allow them to manipulate the family of their son or could help introduce their own traditions and unwritten laws. Successful brides resist mother-in-law manipulations, seeing her as an ally, not as an enemy. The lead author of the experiment, Menealos the Apostle, says that he and his team select 41 different interaction strategies aimed at obtaining approval from their partner’s mother. Many of these tactical ideas were a failure, but there were some particularly bright ones that worked in all directions. Consider them in order.

Prove that you are a good spouse

One of the most successful tactics can be called, “I am the best choice for your son!”. Despite the ambitious statement, this method does not seek confrontation with the partner’s mother. You should not attack and point out the weaknesses of the mother-in-law. Instead, let her know that her son is happy next to you, and her mother's heart will calm down. Confirm your application from a practical point of view. For example, if their family adheres to traditional values, prove that you are an excellent cook, and her son does not go hungry. If it is emotional, love can be your trump card.

Avoid confrontation

One of the most popular methods used by research participants was one that can be described as “no confrontation”. At all costs, try not to enter into an argument with this woman, not to use your “weighty” arguments and not to interfere with her. This may seem like a passive game, but this tactic really works. In essence, a lowly gaze may mean fewer complaints and fewer problems.

Do not ask your spouse for help

Asking for help is a rather natural reaction when a spouse's family is not in a hurry to receive you with open arms. There is nothing wrong with appealing to her husband for support, but this will not work. The researchers found that requests to talk to parents are the least effective. Hiding behind her husband’s broad back, you won’t get respect from her mother-in-law, so you’ll have to confront her alone.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: fighting for a man

First, it is important to understand: what life circumstances provoke a misunderstanding between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?

Where are the roots of claims and offenses on both sides?

There are an infinite number of situations, external reasons for misunderstanding, homely quarrels, omissions and grievances: “You are a stupid person and a bad housewife”, “Who brings up children like this? "- the list goes on.

But the reasons for the unkind relationship of the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are not so much. Rather, the main - one: the struggle for a man, ordinary jealousy of two women. For the rejection of each other, very often lies in the mother-in-law - the fear of loneliness and uselessness, the daughter-in-law - the desire to take strong positions in the new family.

The son grew up, the mother-in-law had not had time to come to terms with it. All my life a woman dedicated to her child. So now she is trying to preserve the illusion that the son is still small, which means that he should be patronized, controlled and taught. And sometimes it is just jealous of the daughter-in-law to her son, like an ordinary woman, especially if there is no husband around, or the relationship with her husband is bad.

If the same “blanket” starts to tear at itself and the daughter-in-law also starts to be jealous of the husband to his mother, the conflict in the family is assured. And the victim will be just that man, who so passionately love two women. Quarrels will eventually begin to grow into scandals, and who will benefit from this? The correct answer is: no one - in such a fight there are neither winners nor losers.

It is better to try to look at the mother-in-law from the other side: she is the woman who gave birth, raised and raised our beloved man. And only because of this it deserves our respect and desire to make communication as pleasant as possible.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: open confrontation

Of course, it happens that conflict cannot be avoided. For example, when the mother-in-law behaves unceremoniously: without knocking she enters the bedroom, disrupts the plans of a young family, does not take into account the daughter’s daughter’s opinion and desires, does everything “in her own way” in the house, continually offends, humiliates the daughter-in-law, expressions.

Of course, during the "demonstrations" is difficult to prove their case. Yes, it is not necessary. As they say, shut up - you will go beyond the clever. It is better, after listening to all that mother-in-law says, agree with her or say that we will do it later. After that, in order to calm emotions, you can stroll, do a pleasant job, switch to something that brings joy.

In situations where the mother-in-law tries to redo everything “in her own way” in the house, you can ask your husband to talk to her delicately about what everyone has their own tastes and preferences: in the family, the young mothers will adapt to her order, in the family of the son own customs and traditions.

But sooner or later (and better - before!) A serious conversation will be required, as a result of which roles in the family can be redistributed, clear boundaries are defined in the relations between two completely different “cells of society”, the status of the young husband and wife is strengthened.

There is no need to be afraid of such a conversation: it is much worse when we accumulate offenses for a long time. Sooner or later they cause such an “explosion”, after which it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to establish normal relations or communication.

During an important conversation it is better if the husband is around and supports us. It is important to follow certain rules.

  • Communication should be correct, calm, without reproaches and accusations. In no case do not insult the mother-in-law, do not go to the person. You can not cross the line, after which there is no way back to normal relationships.
  • Try not to succumb to the manipulation of the mother-in-law: “I feel bad,” “I don’t need anyone,” “you are ungrateful,” and so on. Calmly, but specifically point out the inappropriate behavior of the mother-in-law, her invasion of personal territory, gradually introduce her own rules.
  • Make sure that the conflict does not escalate into a protracted war. Such a war is destructive not only for the conflicting parties, but also for the younger generation. After all, children love everyone: mom, dad, grandparents. And only in a happy family can happy people grow.

Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: a pledge of friendship - diplomacy

In situations where there is no open conflict in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but there are omissions and discontent, it is better to follow diplomatic rules in communication.

  • What you do not like in the behavior of the mother-in-law, to tell her personally, one on one. At the same time we try to confirm what was said with concrete facts, to be correct, to talk about our feelings using “I-statements”: “I feel unpleasant / offensive / do not like ... when you ...", "When you ..., I feel ... because ... "
  • In no case do we put a husband before a choice: “On whose side are you?”, “Either I, or your mother!”. This will only provoke or exacerbate the conflict.
  • We never humiliate, scold at the husband's mother-in-law, otherwise she perceives it as a personal insult. Do not forget: this is her son! Recall how we can relate to the offenders of our child.
  • We do not attach too much importance to the claims and cavils, especially if they are clearly exaggerated. We keep calm, patience and wisdom. You can refer to an urgent matter and leave, or laugh it off. Sometimes it is useful to philosophize about the topic touched. And most often, the conflict in such situations does not arise.

In many cases, the relations between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law are improved when we simply give the husband her mother what she does not receive:

1. If the mother-in-law feels lonely, abandoned when her son creates his own family, you should pay more attention to it, take care: come to visit, make phone calls, send greetings, give gifts and souvenirs, be interested in her affairs, ask about your health, cheer, say love her.

2. Если свекровь боится, что сын не будет счастлив с такой женщиной, как мы, демонстрируем ей свою любовь к мужу: окружаем теплотой и лаской, обнимаем, целуем.

3. Если свекровь просто желает ощущать свою нужность, можно задавать ей вопросы, обращаться за советами, просить помочь с ребенком и т.д. Полезно иногда поговорить со свекровью один на один «о нашем, о женском». За это время можно понять, что может нас объединять с мамой мужа, в каких вопросах мы единодушны.

4. If the mother-in-law is retired and does not know what to do, and therefore she is trying to “manage” her son’s family, she can be offered hobbies: photography (it’s good to donate a camera), pet care (donate a puppy or kitten), knitting, traveling together, collecting, internet, etc. For this, of course, it is important to know what exactly a mother-in-law can carry away.

And two more important points.

It is necessary to forgive offenses, especially to the mother-in-law - “by one’s own blood.” Accumulated grievances not only spoil relations, but also harm our health.

Imagine yourself in the future: when we reach a mature age, we become mother-in-law or mother-in-law. Surely, it will be a pity for us to part with our children, it is difficult to feel lonely or useless. How would we like our daughters-in-law to deal with us? That's the way to do with your mother-in-law!

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How to find a common language with your mother in law?

When a girl gets married, she, along with beautiful wedding photos, new family responsibilities and “wife” status, automatically acquires an updated list of relatives, and the mother of her newly-made husband becomes, for most of them, a quiet horror.

To achieve friendly and warm relations with the mother-in-law, few people succeed, most of the young wives, over time, move from the “cold acquaintance” stage to the “I don't want to communicate with your mother anymore” or “let her come to us!” Stage.

What kind of nightmarish stories young daughters-in-law do not tell their mother-in-law, attributing them to furies from hell, still, after all, about a calm and friendly family, most of them have only to dream. What to hide, the mothers-in-law also do not remain in debt and, at times, I do not understand myself, confidently destroy all the minimal opportunities for reconciliation of the two “enemy” camps.

“How much will she teach me?”, “Why does she interfere with the upbringing of our child?”, “She’s not my mother!”, “I can’t live with her anymore on the same territory!”. Familiar? Surely, maybe not quite and not in this form, but something similar arose and your family, since you undertook to read an article with that name. How to find a common language with the mother in law? Many young wives are interested in this question, because conflict situations with the husband’s mother are far from news, and not only in our country.

Unfortunately, not every daughter-in-law is really trying to improve relations with her mother-in-law, after several failures or not the warmest reception, she already sets herself up in hostility towards her mother-in-law and is looking for ways of least resistance: she simply avoids communication.

And it’s okay if everything ends here, but the matter goes further: the young wife begins to prevent her husband from communicating with her mother, does not allow children to visit her grandmother, and does not accept home conversations about her at all. This, of course, is an extreme point, which acts like a time bomb: scandals start in the family, mother pulls her son back into the family, while his wife, on the contrary, pulls her away.

And my husband, at least torn. And, what is most regrettable, a man, as a result, a mother can choose through suffering and hassle. And not because he does not love you, but because there are only one parents and no other, but you can choose your wife. Whatever one may say, but the daughter-in-law remains in the red, so building relations with the mother-in-law is the best scenario for your family relations from any side.

What not to do?

  • Intervene in conflicts between your husband and his mother. They are adults, close relatives, so they can figure out without your participation. In private, you can tell your spouse what his mother is wrong about or not, but not at the height of the conflict.
  • To set up a husband against his family. Often, young mothers, if they have never found a common language with their mother-in-law, refuse to trust the children, believing that their grandmother is not able to raise them properly or look after them. Just think, this woman raised your husband the way he is, she certainly has more experience and knowledge than a young girl. Do not swear because of an extra candy or because the child went to bed an hour later, remember, you were spoiled as a child, and nothing terrible happened because of this.
  • Remember, the constant scandals, quarrels and showdowns definitely will not lead to anything good. Try to talk calmly with your mother-in-law, explain what you don’t like and disagree with, offer a compromise. Try to better understand this woman, why does she somehow act in a specific situation? To do this, ask the husband about her life, hobbies and preferences. If you are tolerant, learn to give in and wisely relate to certain situations, then, over time, your mother-in-law will still become a dear and close person.

Life under one roof - psychology

You moved to your mother-in-law's house - and there will almost certainly be problems, especially at first.

  1. Mother-in-law is on its territory. She feels like the mistress of the house. Here are its rules, routine.
  2. The mother-in-law got used to a certain rhythm of life, and the young couple breaks the prevailing atmosphere.
  3. It is problematic for two housewives to live in the same kitchen. Most likely, the mother-in-law will be critical of his sister-in-law. Perhaps she thinks she wants to do good by giving advice, not always realizing that this can annoy the wife of her son.
  4. Most of the husband’s mothers are unhappy with the daughter-in-law. This is primarily due to jealousy, the fact that the son no longer belongs completely to her.
  5. It is important the ability and desire of both parties to compromise.

It often happens that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law try to interfere with a man in their conflict, hoping for his support.

He is forced to be between two fires, loving both women, and it is difficult for him to take one side without offending the other.

How to get along in one apartment?

A few simple rules will help to make life together easier:

  1. Understand that you are on its territory, and there is nothing you can do.
  2. Be polite and calm, trying not to provoke a conflict. This does not mean at all that you must fully obey its rules, but you must act gradually, thoughtfully, with tact and patience.
  3. Separate the space. Let the mother-in-law understand that your room with your husband is a separate zone. Easy explain that you do not like, if someone breaks into it without knocking at any time.
  4. Do not constantly complain to her husband about his mother, it negatively affects your relationship with him.

Men do not like being involved in women's conflicts and there is a high probability that he will stand on the side of the mother.

  • Be polite. Rudeness not only provokes scandals, it shows you from a not very good side. A man notices any manifestations of nervousness, negativity, he definitely will not like it.
  • Keep financial independence. You and your husband should have their own means, and you have the right to dispose of them at your discretion, without taking into account the interests of his mother. Of course, there will be a joint budget for buying food and paying for an apartment, but you should always have free finance.

  • Separate responsibilities at home - who does what and when.
  • Your friends and acquaintances do not necessarily know about your internal conflicts. Gossip spread quickly and it is likely that they will reach your mother-in-law. This will turn her against you even more.
  • She is not your mother, but the closer your relationship gets, the more attempts will be made to teach you to make her act according to her rules.
  • To take a break from the constant presence of the mother-in-law, spend time with your husband together - rest, restaurants, nature walks.

    How to find a common language?

    Your mother-in-law has a great store of knowledge, and you can easily learn from this experience. Ask her to teach you how to cook some tasty dish. She will be pleased that you ask her advice.

    If you have just moved into an apartment, do not immediately begin to actively defend your rights, let your mother-in-law get used to the fact that you now live in their house.

    However, it is important to make it clear that you are now a full-fledged family member, you and your husband have a personal space, to intervene in which is not always correct.

    Joint business unites. Offer your assistance in cleaning, rolling up vegetables, in the country.

    If you live together, then you will have to help the mother-in-law with the housework, since now you are a full-fledged family member and lead a common life.

    The mother-in-law is a mother who loves her son, and like any mother, she feels jealous, because now another woman has taken over his attention.

    She will have to accept the presence of the daughter-in-law, but this is not always the case. Some mothers do not want to compromise, to accept the wife of their son, and no action, attempts to establish contact do not help.

    How to endure her husband's mom?

    Annoying mother-in-law, we live together: how to be? Your task is first of all to learn how to cope with your own emotions. The other person is not responsible for your state and mood, just as you are not responsible for his feelings.

    Try to abstract if the mother-in-law constantly bothers you. In the end, you are not obliged to respond to her accusations, screams, complaints. You can pretend to be listening, but it is not necessary to perceive and memorize information.

    Such a position will help to maintain mental comfort and not react sharply to negative attacks.

    It is likely that without meeting the answer and resistance, the woman herself after some time will soften and want to go on contact.

    Excellent reception - try to find good features in the mother-in-law. Every person has something positive. Perhaps your mother-in-law is an excellent teacher or she cooks well, or maybe she is a creative person.

    Find positive qualities in it, and then it will be easier to communicate. Ask her about the years of youth, how she met her husband, let him tell you about her son's childhood.

    Good memories soften people. If you tune in with your mother-in-law, it will be easier to find a common language.

    Another way is to build relationships as if you were employees working in the same territory. In this case, you do not need to show bright emotions - joy or anger, you just organize business communication.

    You meet in the morning, have breakfast, solve joint issues, keeping the business style of communication. Over time, relationships can become more friendly when the mother-in-law realizes what her sister-in-law is, how successful she is in family life.

    Learn to stand up for yourself. Once having felt weakness, the mother-in-law will use it, and each time her pressure will increase. At the same time, she will start criticizing you openly, discrediting her son, pointing out any of your shortcomings.

    That is why building relationships with relatives is important from the first day of living together.

    However, the ability to stand up for yourself does not mean scandals, talk in a raised voice.

    On the contrary, your speech should be as calm and convincing as possible. Tell the mother-in-law, what exactly you do not like and why. Be sure to specify the reason, not just: I do not want.

    How to diversify family life? Practical advice you will find on our website.

    I can not live with my mother-in-law: what to do?

    It also happens that conflicts of daughter-in-law and mother-in-law occur daily. Living together is no longer possible - the husband, the children, the wife suffer. The mother-in-law in every possible way survives the daughter-in-law from home, breaks into a relationship, trying to destroy them.

    Attempts to remain calm, to be patient do not lead to anything. In this case, the most acceptable option is to move to another apartment.

    The health of your family should be in the foreground, so if the situation is out of control, it is better to find a separate accommodation. You can rent an apartment or take a mortgage.

    If you were as calm and reasonable as possible, then a tactical step would be to talk in a raised voice.

    One day, your emotions will become so hot that you need to throw them out.

    Express in the open that you are not satisfied, show your anger that has accumulated inside.

    Tactics are not suitable for everyone - it is important to take into account the character of a person and his possible reaction.

    After such stormy manifestations, the mother-in-law can finally reach that there are moments that do not suit you.

    A short and sharp conflict should be isolated and not become a habit.

    How to convince a spouse to settle separately?

    The husband does not want to move out from his mother - this is a big problem.

    1. Tell him: "Dear, why don't we try to live separately? We will feel more at ease, because the whole apartment will be at our disposal."
    2. Pay attention to her husband that he is too dependent on his mother. Loving parents is right, but sooner or later you have to break away from the parental nest and start building your own life.
    3. If the mother-in-law blackmails with poor health, promise that you will visit her as often as possible.
    4. It is possible to rent an apartment near the parents' house, in which case you will be able to come in to it at any convenient time and help if the need arises.

  • You should not blackmail with divorce, it will be the first crack in your relationship, try to settle everything peacefully.
  • Try to explain to your husband that a young family should live separately - this is a guarantee of calm and well-being. Happy and harmonious couples rarely live under the same roof with the older generation.
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    A woman wants to live with us: what to do?

    The mother-in-law decided to live with you, and of course you do not want this.

    Such a desire most often occurs in single women or those who want to fully control their son, even after he married.

    What to do in this case:

    • let the son explain to his mother directly that this is impossible
    • explain to her that you have your own rhythm, your own life, and you have the right to independence,
    • a young family should live separately from their parents - this is one of the factors of family happiness,
    • talk to your husband and tell me that you don’t mind if mom comes to visit, but you don’t want her to live with you for specific reasons - these reasons need to be voiced,
    • if the decision is made, and the husband's mother moves to you, try to calm down and think about the tactics of communication with her - do not let her take the power in your house into your own hands, immediately set boundaries.

    How to keep the family on the verge of divorce? Learn about this from our article.

    How to survive it from our house?

    If the mother-in-law appeared in your house and stayed there, immediately set boundaries.

    Do not let it command you, change the location of things in your house.

    It is not necessary to roll up scandals, rather calmly to say that here is your territory and you are the owner.

    There are more stringent measures, for example, to turn on loud music, go to bed late, often invite guests, that is, do everything so that the mother-in-law feels the maximum discomfort.

    The main thing is to do it in such a way so as not to offend anyone, but at the same time let the person know that he is in your home and does not fit into your lifestyle.

    One of the surest ways is to talk directly. You have to decide on a conversation, and it is better if the husband supports you. Explain to the mother-in-law that you value and respect her, but the young family wants to live separately.

    The main thing in communication with the mother-in-law is to be patient, remain calm and not respond to provocations on her part.

    How to get on with the mother in law? Psychology and rules of behavior of the bride:

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    Building relationships with the daughter in law

    Many jokes have been invented on the subject of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. And it is true, sometimes two adults and sane women cannot find a common language. At the same time, they torture each other, and the man who is the most dear and closest to them.

    Mother-in-law, as a rule, believe that sisters-in-law are always to blame for conflicts. Of course it is not. As with the daughter-in-law to establish relations with the mother-in-law, if not perfect, then at least more tolerable.

    How to build relationships with daughter in law

    Mother-in-law must live separately from her son and family, no matter how much she wants to be near. Two housewives do not get along under the same roof, if this happens, then this is an exception. Mothers-in-law should be more often remembered about the fact that she, too, was once a daughter-in-law. I also took offense at my mother-in-law and considered her picky, unfair and annoying.

    How to improve relations with a daughter-in-law - the mother-in-law needs to make an effort, ceasing to perceive the daughter-in-law as a sassy person who unceremoniously entered the family, and as a thief who stole from you the most expensive.

    This son chose and fell in love with this woman, which means he feels good with her. He sees in it something that you do not notice or do not want to notice at all when you are blinded by hostility and jealousy. The mother-in-law should convince herself of the opposite, and the daughter-in-law will immediately cease to seem cunning, arrogant and lazy.

    A strong argument to abandon quarrels with his son's wife is the understanding that their beloved son suffers most of all from them. If you keep this in mind, the most captious mother-in-law will think how to tame your temperament and at least establish a temporary truce with your daughter-in-law.

    How to improve relations with a daughter-in-law is an old truth: who is smarter is the first to be inferior. My mother-in-law is older and she has a lot of life experience. Поэтому на ней лежит основная ответственность, чтобы ее отношения с невесткой были сносными и не напоминали войну.

    Матери конечно полностью от ревности избавиться не получится. Стремление старшего поколения поучать молодежь, наставлять и давать советы является нормальным явлением, но при этом надо избегать крайностей и себя держать в руках. Невестка скорей всего не станет принимать в штыки совет свекрови, когда он дан по делу, тактично в деликатной форме и она примет его с благодарностью.

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